The following is an elaboration, exaggeration, and embellishment of a true encounter.
About a week ago a very strange, unusual creature knocked on my door.
“Is Mr. Bell in?”
I was relieved at his opening move. When the door knocker doesn’t know your name, he’s trying to sell windows, roofs, siding, gardening, or tree removal.
“That’s me. I have a custard on low heat in the kitchen, so we need to make this short.”
“I’m campaigning for Larry Hogan, and I’d like to encourage your vote.”
“You got it.”
“Are any of your neighbors undecided on the senatorial race?”
“My friend, in this neighborhood, if you don’t plant, fertilize, and water a 10-foot Alsobrooks sign in your front yard, you’re considered a transphobe.”
“Yeah, I’ve been getting that impression.”
By this time the custard had coagulated into a three-egg omelet, so there was no harm in continuing with my interlocutor.
“Where else have you been campaigning?” I asked.
“Actually, two weeks ago I was in Las Vegas door-knocking for Kamala Harris.”
(Campaigning for Hogan and Harris simultaneously? This is where “strange, unusual creature” comes in.)
“Wow, what was that like?”
“The people there are really rough. I got a lot of f-bombs and door slams.”
“Yikes,” I replied.
“From Democrats and Republicans alike!”
Here comes the only line in this highly exaggerated story that is completely true. “Yeah, the people in Montgomery County are really polite in comparison,” he said.
We all deserve to be thankful for that insight. It really made my day.
